2 Years Working In a Call Center Broke Me
But it’s also made me aware of the things I still need to work through
“If another can easily anger you, it is because you are off balance with yourself.”— Unknown
I have been sick for 22 of the last 60 days. It’s been due to job-related stress and has affected me mentally and physically. While not always so constant, it’s become a familiar companion.
It’s the wrench in your stomach you get when you’re constantly under stress. It’s the feeling of “I don’t want to” surrounding what you’re required to do for 40 hours to make a living. It’s the constant question running through the back of your mind — “how much more can I take before I snap?”
Two weeks ago, I hit my lowest point. The calls were non-stop for 8 hours, we were understaffed, and the negativity of the callers really got to me. On both of my breaks, Saturday and Sunday, I called my husband and begged him to let me quit. I even broke down crying when he dropped me off for work on Sunday.
The Way Things Used to Be
I changed jobs at the beginning of 2019 due to health reasons. I loved working with food at my past job. As a shift leader at Taco Bell, I got to problem-solve things like not having enough prepared, upset customers, and understaffed shifts. I was able to fix what customers were complaining about. They loved the food that I prepared and many times agreed to settle for a remake as long as I prepared it myself instead of a refund. Things were able to be fixed back then because I had control over what happened. I got to use my teaching experience to train new employees. I got to inspire and encourage other team members and enjoy the process of making food at the same time.
I have a physical disability known as lymphedema. It’s the swelling of extremities until they are larger than the normal person’s. The form that I have is genetic, passed down between generations, and made worse every time it’s passed down. It’s in my lower legs which makes standing for long periods of time very difficult and painful.
I worked after the lymphedema was diagnosed in food for 10 years. Each year it hurt a little more and was more and more difficult to physically work. In 2019, I had to accept the fact that the way of life I knew for a long time was over. It was time to “retire” from that field and choose another one.
The Beginning of the Downfall — Lesson: Don’t Ignore Your Feelings
One of the biggest mistakes I made was not taking time to grieve the loss of my job. To many people, working in food is less than ideal. For me, it used all of my best traits, and it was an easy job. Instead of allowing myself to grieve, I threw myself into the next chapter of my life.
Unfortunately, you can’t hide emotions forever or stuff them down. When you ignore how you’re feeling and don’t allow yourself time to feel, you build these emotions up. Over time, stuffed emotions can lead to both physical and emotional symptoms.
The physical symptoms can lead to illness, including irritable bowel syndrome or IBS, headaches, and other aches. The emotional symptoms can be increased anxiety, procrastination, worry, overwhelm, and insomnia.
Repressed and stuffed emotions can also lead to a racing mind, anxiety, procrastination, worry, overwhelm, insomnia, and feeling stuck.
If I had taken the time to process the loss, I may have realized the symptoms instead of thinking that they were caused by other things. I had IBS before I started at Taco Bell. However, I was having increasing feelings of feeling stuck and worry about what this next chapter of my life would be.
Trying to Move on With Life
At that point, I thought that call centres would be the easy way out. It would still let me interact with both customers and team members. The difference would be that I could sit and take calls.
I worked a few temp jobs before beginning my first call centre job. The call volume was relatively low with more in-depth calls. The struggle point for me was the low pay. It was $10 an hour, which was not enough to support myself. Even though the calls were not terrible, they got to a point where the work was no longer feasible.
From there, I took a position that paid more, but the bosses were not supportive. I loved my main boss, but the team lead left a lot to be desired. He didn’t want to help to develop the team or help with calls, but he demanded perfection. After four months, I called it quits and went to an answering service.
The Downfall Continues — Lesson: Who Your Boss is Can Determine a Lot
Studies have shown that people with bad bosses are more susceptible to chronic depression, stress, and anxiety. Being that my mental state was not as healthy as it could have been already, this added even more fuel to the fire.
While I learned to speak up at this point and vent to those around me, it still piled on. I began to really doubt my ability and if I was worth anything in the work world. I had days when I would have outbursts, including the night I broke down and cried for 10 minutes straight.
The depression and stress had created a cocktail. However, I didn’t learn my lesson after I quit the job without advanced notice. I had secured another job. Instead of taking a few days to process what the hell had happened for the past year and a half, I threw myself into a new job and focused on trying to succeed.
Last Stop Before Breaking Down
I had always had an idea of what it would be like to work as an answering service agent. How hard could it be, really? Everything pops up on a screen. I didn’t consider that people will literally cuss you out because you’re not the company they’re calling (and many times can’t help them). I didn’t realize how many people change their tone. They start talking to you like you’re stupid when all you’re trying to do is take their message.
I also noticed that months of hard work were being overlooked. I was on time daily, worked overtime to cover shifts, and always had a pleasant demeanour. However, the company was choosing people to go home to work. They chose a girl who did not even come into work when scheduled. When she did, she went on break all of the time. They gave her the home station and gave me a run-around about not knowing if they would be able to send anyone else home.
This was when the cracks began to appear toward my breaking point.
The calls started to get more difficult too. It seems like everyone is so tough on the phone, but if you met them in real life, would they really choose to talk to you that way? Probably not.
My stress level started to be a constant 10. I began to want to quit at every possible moment. I was constantly suffering from mental anxiety, depression, physically sick- stomach cramps and constantly nauseous.
A Reflection — What Happened Here?
If happiness is an inside job, could it be the inside is affecting the outside?
If inner happiness can make you thrive at a job you hate, can inner turmoil kill a normally decent job?
Once I was able to take a few days off and consider what was going on, this is what I came up with:
- I never processed my grief over losing the job I loved.
- I had allowed too many situations to cause me anxiety.
- By ignoring and acting passively instead of working on myself, I created a cocktail of physical and emotional illness.
My biggest question is… if this is something within me that I need to work on instead of needing to work on changing the external circumstances?
I know that I’ll be starting by uncovering the feelings that I buried and let myself feel them. I also want to study topics like inner guidance, letting feelings out instead of stuffing, and reflecting on other circumstances in my life that have caused depression and anxiety. I want to go back and work through these things.
I’m sure this journey I want to take over the next year will lead to some interesting articles. I believe that it will lead to a lot of transformation on my side.
Thank you for reading. Join us as Meld of Minds; a community sharing a mental group hug with words. Can your mind help pay it forward?
