Letter to My Ex On His 39th Birthday

You changed my life…

Today is your 39th and I hope it’s going well. I hope the new arm candy treats you especially well tonight because I feel you still deserve it.

I was tempted to message you the song Painless from Fozzy. I guess old habits die hard. Five years have passed and I’m still caught in your web.

It’s easy enough to let sleeping dogs lie when you’re not around. I kind of forget. I blank you out and move on.

Once a year though, we get thrown together. I guess that happens when we have mutual friends and love for the same type of music. Those are the days it’s hard to block you out.

I still feel mellow browns chasing me across the room. I still hear your voice. You make it a point to be seen and acknowledged.

You still take the time to focus on me in conversations and make me laugh. It’s the greatest power you have. It traps me again for a few days until I can block you out again.

I guess this feeling is universal. We all have that one ex we hold on to. Granted, the hold is loose but we still refuse to relinquish everything at once.

What I guess I never told you is that you made me believe when I had given up completely. I had my share of bad relationships and questioned my trust level.

You made me happy enough to let those walls down. It was a pleasant suprise really. To know I could be that open and vulnerable while knowing someone had my back.

You let me experience that process… opening myself up to feeling the invasion of light, warmth and love radiate through every molecule of the soul.

And when the time came, you taught me how to let go gracefully. To process that grief of dreams dying. To honor a decision I had no control over. To be happy for you when I saw you with her.

I think you’d be proud of how I handled the process. Calmly, patiently accepting. Letting go for the first time of someone who was my universe.

The final part? I still respect you. I respect your quiet strength. I respect the way you make others feel. I still accept the pounding of a nearly silent heart when you’re around.